February 18, 2007

How sick I looked

It was exactly two and a half weeks into treatment that my hair fell out. I expected it, knew it was coming, but still it made me terribly sad. So I decided to shave my head rather than to find out hands full of dead hair in the tub, my mother help me to do it as I watched in the mirror. For the first time I saw how sick I looked. (but smile pa rin) mahirap palang mag shave -razor & scissor ang ginamit na ni mother.

When my treatments began

When my treatments began, it was the side effects –the nausea, fatigue, cramps and vomiting that made me ill. There was also a time that I wept, but I didn’t show it to my family. I was also afraid. There we times when I was in chemotherapy that I thought dying would be better, but it’s not. I have two kids and a husband that needs me. One day my husband told me that he wished to God na sya nalang ang magkasakit wag ako, and then I wept. I prayed more during this time. I know we were blessed in so many ways. But this time I ask God for peace of mind in this midst of difficulty and body ailments of mine and strengthen our Faith.

I simply open my heart.. to understand.....

To be diagnosed with cancer is horrible! Cancer is life threatening disease. Living in a state of depression not only feels awful, it becomes a burden to those around you. I chose not to be. I know it won’t accelerate my recovery. So I just pray and have faith. It’s true, that faith is a wonderful companion in life. I simply open my heart. I knew then that I was not afraid to die; I was simply not ready to leave my family. Not yet, my children are too young, my eldest is 11 years old while the other one is only 2 years old. Ah, I told to myself, I must approach this illness with optimism; I should learn ways how to cope regardless of my prognosis, I need to be strong; I don’t want o be a burden for them.

February 13, 2007

"God give me strength"

July 18, 2005, 6pm. The night of my surgery, I tried not to to be afraid. But I am. It was 7pm when they given something to make me relax & sleep for the surgery. I tried to calm and clear my mind. I talk to God. "God give me strength". I tried not to be scared. I prayed for myself and for my family. Then after a while I became hazy, they transferred me to a gurney, preparing me to go to the operating room.... and that's all I remember. I have no memory of the surgery after that.

January 31, 2007

The Story must be told

I have chosen to share my story in the hope that knowing one family's experience may help others. This is a story about courage, faith and survival. Its about taking control of life, even when it seems impossible to do so; believing that, regardless of my prognosis, I know miracles occurs. Spiritually, it's of never giving up hope.

January 30, 2007

A Shocking Discovery

My story begins with my first experience of lost. My father - was diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the Liver and the doctors say he has just a few months to live. We felt the immesuarable pain when we knew it - that sooner or later Tatay will pass away. I cannot explain the pain that I've felt the day he told his ordeal, we cried. Everythime we saw he suffered from his abdominal pain, we can't help but cry. Finally, there came a time when we knew it was the end. The day before he died, he told us that he is leaving tomorrow around 5am. Since then we were taking turns being with him. September 2, 1989 - 2am in the morning. He asked me to read him some passages from the bible. So I did. We also prayed the rosary. Exactly 5am - Sept. 2, he died at peace. He was 39 years old.

Now my story begins....I had mass on my right breast and had biopsy at Makati Medical Center last July 8, 2005. As I remember, when my surgeon told us that I have cancer it was not as hard as I think. Maybe, just maybe, I’m strong enough to accept it through God’s strength. We were waited the result for more than a week and I’ve got an ample time to pray, to have courage and be ready to accept whatever the result would be kaya it wasn’t that hard when I heard that I have cancer. My husband, my mother & my parents-in-law was there, unable to speak, silently they wept; that was made me cry and sank me into terrible sadness. But I’m at peace; I believe God has a master plan and it was happened for a reason. It’s just not my privileged to know what it is.

July 18, 2005, 3PM. I was scheduled for operation - MRM at Asian Medical Hospital.